wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 7 (2009)

Track 7: Alex Trebek

This track has been reviewed! 😊

Model used: distil-whisper/distil-large-v3

Speakers adjusted? true

Subtitles adjusted? true

1 -- Alex Trebek: Hello?
2 -- LPC: Yeah, hello. This is Thrasher here at United Parcel Service.
3 -- Alex Trebek: Yeah.
4 -- LPC: And I need a signature and a COD here today on some freight here.
5 -- Alex Trebek: What is it?
6 -- LPC: We got some sod here.
7 -- Alex Trebek: Sod?
8 -- LPC: Yes.
9 -- Alex Trebek: Are you sure you have the right address?
10 -- LPC: Quite confident. Our driver's already en route to you.
11 -- LPC: I just as soon get the payment prepared now.
12 -- Alex Trebek: Well, who ordered it?
13 -- LPC: It's $1949 even.
14 -- Alex Trebek: Well, who ordered it?
15 -- LPC: You're the recipient.
16 -- Alex Trebek: Well, we're the recipient, but we didn't order it.
17 -- LPC: Incorrect.
18 -- LPC: You placed the initial order and now we're fulfilling it.
19 -- LPC: Do you understand?
20 -- Alex Trebek: When did we place the order?
21 -- Alex Trebek: I'm the owner of the house here and I didn't place the order.
22 -- Alex Trebek: So you tell me who placed the order.
23 -- Alex Trebek: If it's our gardener and he didn't tell us,
24 -- Alex Trebek: He didn't tell us about it, I don't know, and I don't know where we need saw it.
25 -- Alex Trebek: So you tell me where this is coming from.
26 -- LPC: I am looking at your digital signature.
27 -- Alex Trebek: Digital signature.
28 -- LPC: Here on my tablet, yes, sir.
29 -- LPC: Need an online payment or some method of payment here, 449.
30 -- Alex Trebek: Well, where did you get my digital signature?
31 -- LPC: From you.
32 -- Alex Trebek: When?
33 -- LPC: At the time of purchase.
34 -- Alex Trebek: And where it was the purchase made?
35 -- LPC: Siam.
36 -- Alex Trebek: Siam.
37 -- LPC: Correct.
38 -- Alex Trebek: The country, Siam?
39 -- LPC: That's all the data I have, sir.
40 -- Alex Trebek: Uh...
41 -- LPC: Apparently this is the third attempt here.
42 -- Alex Trebek: And this is sod?
43 -- LPC: Yes, sir.
44 -- Alex Trebek: Grass.
45 -- LPC: Something to do with the lawn.
46 -- LPC: Yeah, it's a big, big bundle of stuff here.
47 -- Alex Trebek: Well, I don't...
48 -- Alex Trebek: You don't have my digital signature because I didn't give you my digital signature.
49 -- Alex Trebek: I didn't order anything from Siam, and Siam is no longer in existence.
50 -- Alex Trebek: It's Thailand now, so I don't know what Siam is.
51 -- LPC: Well, the whole thing's viewable online.
52 -- Alex Trebek: The whole thing is viewable online.
53 -- LPC: Your signature, the item itself, it's a real colorful bunch of stuff here.
54 -- LPC: And the payment details. So I can go ahead and take a credit card number here and we'll just get everything...
55 -- Alex Trebek: No, you're not going to take a credit card number at all.
56 -- Alex Trebek: Because tell me where I can view this online.
57 -- LPC: UPS.com.
58 -- Alex Trebek: UPS
59 -- Alex Trebek: dot com and then we go to what?
60 -- LPC: You need to just enter your credit card number as soon as possible.
61 -- Alex Trebek: I ain't going to do that because we didn't order anything.
62 -- LPC: You're not going to do it on 4,200 pounds of stuff here?
63 -- Alex Trebek: 4,200 pounds of stuff.
64 -- Alex Trebek: Are you out of your mind?
65 -- LPC: That is roughly the weight of this stuff here.
66 -- Alex Trebek: Well, we didn't order it.
67 -- LPC: We got four trucks en route to you.
68 -- Alex Trebek: Well, too bad because they ain't delivering it here.
69 -- LPC: Oh, no?
70 -- Alex Trebek: Nope.
71 -- Alex Trebek: You're not UPS.
72 -- LPC: Most certainly, yeah, I'm 12 years on the job. I've been here.
73 -- Alex Trebek: Oh, yeah? What's your name?
74 -- LPC: I'm on the dock right here. I'm Wallace.
75 -- Alex Trebek: Wallace, what?
76 -- LPC: Thrasher
77 -- Alex Trebek: Wallace Thrasher...
78 -- Alex Trebek: Okay, what's the number out there? Who's the supervisor?
79 -- LPC: I'm the only one on the dock, sir.
80 -- Alex Trebek: You're the only one?
81 -- LPC: The only one on the dock here tonight, yes, sir?
82 -- Alex Trebek: Oh, yeah?
83 -- Alex Trebek: Why are we delivering this at night?
84 -- LPC: Like I say, this is third or fourth try here to get this to you.
85 -- Alex Trebek: Really?
86 -- LPC: Yeah.
87 -- Alex Trebek: we've heard of it.
88 -- Alex Trebek: So...
89 -- LPC: Is that a fact?
90 -- Alex Trebek: We have a normal, a usual driver who comes here, and he never mentioned anything about it.
91 -- Alex Trebek: We don't have...
92 -- Alex Trebek: Where's mom? (sp?)
93 -- Alex Trebek: Yep, Mom. (sp?)
94 -- Alex Trebek: I'm going to get my wife here and find out if you've...
95 -- LPC: Well, why don't you come down to the dock?
96 -- Alex Trebek: Huh?
97 -- LPC: Just cut a check or however you do it.
98 -- Alex Trebek: Where is the dock?
99 -- LPC: I'm in Calabasas right now.
100 -- Alex Trebek: Calabasas, but you want me to come out to Calabasas to view something that I didn't order
101 -- Alex Trebek: and that I probably don't
102 -- Alex Trebek: want?
103 -- LPC: Twelve years of working here.
104 -- LPC: I've seen lots and lots of digital signatures come and go.
105 -- Alex Trebek: Really?
106 -- LPC: Lots of them.
107 -- Alex Trebek: Yeah, well, I don't buy things with digital signatures.
108 -- Alex Trebek: So...
109 -- Alex Trebek: Do we have...
110 -- Alex Trebek: There's 4,200 pounds of sod or something on...
111 -- Alex Trebek: Or that's about to be delivered with four trucks from UPS.
112 -- Alex Trebek: Did we order that?
113 -- Alex Trebek: No.
114 -- LPC: Sir, I have been told by my colleague here we can accept cash and coins
115 -- LPC: to get this thing resolved here for you.
116 -- Alex Trebek: I think this is just a...
117 -- Alex Trebek: crock of shit, so you're not UPS.
118 -- Alex Trebek: Absolutely, I am here.
119 -- Alex Trebek: Yeah, well I'll ask my driver tomorrow to track down a Wallace Thrasher.
120 -- LPC: You can call me Stretchy.
121 -- Alex Trebek: You're just not going to give up, are you? Stretchy?
122 -- LPC: I just deal with fulfillment, product fulfillment here at United Parcel Service, so...
123 -- LPC: We've got a total of three flags on your account here, so...
124 -- LPC: I just would like to get a routing number and we'll satisfy the debt.
125 -- Alex Trebek: You don't have a routing now. How can I have a
126 -- Alex Trebek: routing number? What the hell is the routing number?
127 -- LPC: From your checking account or debit card
128 -- Alex Trebek: Are you out of your mind?
129 -- Alex Trebek: I'm going to pay $2,000 for something that I do not have,
130 -- Alex Trebek: did not order, and know nothing about.
131 -- LPC: The sender's name is Artie Yamamoto.
132 -- Alex Trebek: Send me something in the mail, stretch.
133 -- LPC: I'll send you a subpoena, is what I'll send you.
134 -- Alex Trebek: Oh, that's good. I'll respond to a subpoena.
135 -- LPC: You'll be commanded to testify before Artie Yamamoto.
136 -- Alex Trebek: Oh, good.
137 -- Alex Trebek: Good. Boy, that's scarcely. Artie Yamamoto. Who is he?
138 -- LPC: He's at the Bangkok Sod Center.
139 -- Alex Trebek: Bangkok Sod Center. And that's in Bangkok, Thailand?
140 -- LPC: Yes, sir.
141 -- Alex Trebek: Oh, good. Yep, I'm likely to order sod from Thailand. You're out of your mind, Stretchy.
142 -- LPC: Well, let's hop on a plane and we'll go meet with them in person. I have a three-way conference.
143 -- Alex Trebek: Are you out of your mind?
144 -- LPC: No. I resent the implication
145 -- LPC: frankly.
146 -- Alex Trebek: Well, good.
147 -- Alex Trebek: Uh, resent it all you want.
148 -- Alex Trebek: Send me a letter. Send me a subpoena.
149 -- Alex Trebek: Be happy to receive it.
150 -- LPC: We'll do a conference call.
151 -- Alex Trebek: No, I don't need a conference call, Stretchy.
152 -- LPC: You can call me Stretchy.
153 -- LPC: I mean...
154 -- Alex Trebek: I just did.
155 -- LPC: I've got signed affidavits and...
156 -- Alex Trebek: Affadavits?
157 -- LPC: All kinds of other things. Yes, sir.
158 -- Alex Trebek: Oh, good. Well, you have my signature?
159 -- LPC: I'm looking right at it.
160 -- Alex Trebek: Yeah.
161 -- Alex Trebek: And what does it say?
162 -- LPC: It's not legible.
163 -- Alex Trebek: But it's not legible?
164 -- LPC: So that would be step one is to work on
165 -- LPC: that, but...
166 -- Alex Trebek: I have no need for $2,000 worth of sod, and I didn't order it, and I know nothing about it.
167 -- LPC: So you thought you'd just stick good old UPS with the charges, huh?
168 -- Alex Trebek: Nope.
169 -- Alex Trebek: Are you out of your mind?
170 -- Alex Trebek: Nobody orders sod from Asia.
171 -- Alex Trebek: Send me something in the mail, and we'll get to the bottom of this, but we're not paying for something
172 -- Alex Trebek: we didn't order.
173 -- LPC: Oh, you and I'll get to the bottom of it all right, if I need to come down and drive the truck myself.
174 -- Alex Trebek: Oh, well, go ahead.
175 -- Alex Trebek: Be prepared to...
176 -- Alex Trebek: be met by police.
177 -- LPC: Be prepared...