Best Before '24 (2024)

Best Before '24

Track 13: Ram

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Last modified: 2025-04-14T18:12:40
Subtitles adjusted? false
To-Do: need to fix index 16, 30
Aliases: Dewey

  • 1 -- Martin: Hello, Martin speaking.
  • 2 -- LPC: Hi, Martin.
  • 3 -- LPC: I'm Dewey.
  • 4 -- Martin: Okay.
  • 5 -- LPC: And today's Thursday, the seventeenth.
  • 6 -- Martin: Yeah.
  • 7 -- LPC: Yeah, about 4:14 p.m.
  • 8 -- LPC: I needed to bring you your ram.
  • 9 -- Martin: My ram?
  • 10 -- LPC: Yes, I'm calling from Montpelier, Vermont.
  • 11 -- Martin: What's a ram?
  • 12 -- Martin: Oh, I think you got the wrong person.
  • 13 -- LPC: No, no.
  • 14 -- Martin: Is the guy's name Rick?
  • 15 -- Martin: Okay.
  • 16 -- Martin: Um, if I see him, I'll ask him what it's about, but, uh, well, no, I'm slated to drop off your Ram here within the next forty eight hours.
  • 17 -- Martin: No, no, no.
  • 18 -- Martin: Nope.
  • 19 -- LPC: Well, I, I've already made plans, sir.
  • 20 -- Martin: Not happening.
  • 21 -- LPC: Why is that?
  • 22 -- Martin: Why is that?
  • 23 -- LPC: Yes.
  • 24 -- Martin: I don't have to explain anything.
  • 25 -- Martin: I never asked for one.
  • 26 -- Martin: It's like you're dropping off an old jalopy Ford.
  • 27 -- Martin: You can do that, but I'm just going to have it towed away.
  • 28 -- LPC: Oh no, no, no, not a live ram.
  • 29 -- LPC: Certainly.
  • 30 -- Martin: Well, if you feel for the animal, you will not subject it to a large road trip for no reason, but we're talking grade a rare mountain grade.
  • 31 -- Martin: You can try and sell this Ram all you want to some place that can handle it.
  • 32 -- Martin: I cannot handle any more situations than I have right now.
  • 33 -- LPC: But I talked to your neighbor.
  • 34 -- Martin: Yeah, but that doesn't mean you talk to me.
  • 35 -- LPC: He assured me he did.
  • 36 -- Martin: Yeah, but he doesn't represent me.
  • 37 -- Martin: Until you speak to me, you have no right to do anything.
  • 38 -- Martin: And that's obvious.
  • 39 -- LPC: You're going to love the animal.
  • 40 -- LPC: Full stop.
  • 41 -- Martin: I may love the animal, but if I tell you full stop, I don't have resources.
  • 42 -- Martin: to care for it properly, why would you want to bring it there?
  • 43 -- LPC: Because I talked to him, and talked to him, and talked to him, and talked to him, and talked to him about what I'm saying.
  • 44 -- LPC: And that's what I was told.
  • 45 -- Martin: Yes, and I talked to Chiang Kai-shek in China, and he said he wants you to give me all of your property.
  • 46 -- Martin: That makes no sense at all.
  • 47 -- Martin: You have to talk to the principal when you do things.
  • 48 -- LPC: Just take the ram, please.
  • 49 -- LPC: It's for one week of your time.
  • 50 -- Martin: No, it's impossible.
  • 51 -- LPC: No?
  • 52 -- Martin: And I will not be doing that.
  • 53 -- Martin: And if I see a vehicle come and drop anything on my property, uh, I will be reporting them.
  • 54 -- LPC: Don't report it.
  • 55 -- LPC: This is mountain grade ram.
  • 56 -- Martin: Take your ram elsewhere.
  • 57 -- Martin: Hello?
  • 58 -- LPC: Hi, yes.
  • 59 -- LPC: Is there a good time where I could just come by and show you this ram?
  • 60 -- Martin: Not at all.
  • 61 -- LPC: Two years of age.
  • 62 -- Martin: If you trespass on my property, I will have you dealt with in the full extent of the law.
  • 63 -- LPC: Would you consider making a donation to house the animal for one week?
  • 64 -- Martin: No, I cannot do that.
  • 65 -- Martin: None of the above.
  • 66 -- LPC: Well, we're just going to come by and show the guy to you.
  • 67 -- LPC: You don't have to decide.
  • 68 -- Martin: If you do that, you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
  • 69 -- Martin: I have cameras on the property.
  • 70 -- Martin: We'll get your license number and we'll figure out who you are.
  • 71 -- LPC: I'm going to let this ram loose all over you.
  • 72 -- LPC: How does that sound here today for a whole bunch of good news?
  • 73 -- Martin: You think imposing on other people and making a nuisance is a fun thing to do?
  • 74 -- Martin: You don't respect the fact that there are people here and you're not respecting their right to lead a relatively normal life.
  • 75 -- LPC: I've made plans here.
  • 76 -- LPC: This was all supposed to be handled.
  • 77 -- LPC: You were supposed to look after it.
  • 78 -- Martin: Your plans, unfortunately, in the grand scheme of things, are very, very insignificant.
  • 79 -- LPC: Take it up with your neighbor.
  • 80 -- LPC: He told me you were good with this.
  • 81 -- LPC: Because he told me, oh yeah, Martin's fine.
  • 82 -- LPC: He's fine.
  • 83 -- LPC: He's fine.
  • 84 -- LPC: He's fine.
  • 85 -- LPC: He's fine.
  • 86 -- LPC: He's fine.
  • 87 -- LPC: To show up over there.
  • 88 -- LPC: So that's what I'm going to do.
  • 89 -- Martin: I'm telling you, you can leave it on his property.
  • 90 -- LPC: Why don't you meet me up at the Cracker Barrel, and then you can take a look at him.
  • 91 -- LPC: That's all I'm asking.
  • 92 -- Martin: If I have to meet you with the Cracker Barrel, it will be with the law enforcement officials.
  • 93 -- LPC: I'm going to show up at seven o'clock.
  • 94 -- Martin: You show up anywhere, and you're going to have a sore posterior.
  • 95 -- Martin: I hate to tell you.
  • 96 -- Martin: Your remains will be sent back to whoever you specify.