wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 11 (2014)

Track 13: Teary Eyed

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Last modified: 2025-02-11T20:39:23

Model used: distil-whisper/distil-large-v3

Subtitles adjusted? false

1 -- SPEAKER_04: Hello, Ball Crowl speaking.
2 -- SPEAKER_01: Yes, sir.
3 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to find a way to cry more of my own natural tears and reduce dry eye.
4 -- SPEAKER_04: I'm sorry, this is an office at the University of Minnesota.
5 -- SPEAKER_04: I'm in the physics department.
6 -- SPEAKER_01: Sure.
7 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to increase tier production in my eyes, and I got your number from the operator.
8 -- SPEAKER_04: Maybe they thought physiology.
9 -- SPEAKER_04: I'm a physicist.
10 -- SPEAKER_04: I don't know anything about it.
11 -- SPEAKER_04: I'm sorry.
12 -- SPEAKER_04: I'm a solid-stake physicist.
13 -- SPEAKER_01: I guess you don't know anything about optics, then, I take it.
14 -- SPEAKER_04: I know optics, as in optics for lasers and such.
15 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm a Spalunker.
16 -- SPEAKER_01: That's probably what caused this whole deal.
17 -- SPEAKER_01: I've got a seeing-eye falcon that I brought with me back from Dubai, and that kind of helps me a little bit.
18 -- SPEAKER_01: But what can I do to produce more tears in my eyes?
19 -- SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because that sounds like a physiology question.
20 -- SPEAKER_01: Yeah?
21 -- SPEAKER_04: I mean, did they put you in context?
22 -- SPEAKER_04: with someone in the medical school?
23 -- SPEAKER_04: They told me to talk to you.
24 -- SPEAKER_01: They said that you would be the person to, I mean, are your optics even clean, your own self, or are they
25 -- SPEAKER_01: dirty?
26 -- SPEAKER_04: My optics are inside a laser cavity, but I don't work with anything that's wet.
27 -- SPEAKER_04: In essence, I'm trying to avoid water at all costs.
28 -- SPEAKER_01: My eyes are dry as a bone, frankly.
29 -- SPEAKER_04: Okay.
30 -- SPEAKER_04: I don't know anything about eyes and tears or moisture.
31 -- SPEAKER_01: How do I cry,
32 -- SPEAKER_01: more of my own natural tears.
33 -- SPEAKER_01: Except for putting drops in your eyes, I just wouldn't know.
34 -- SPEAKER_01: How about liquid helium?
35 -- SPEAKER_01: Is that something I can make me try?
36 -- SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
37 -- SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
38 -- SPEAKER_04: What do you think?
39 -- SPEAKER_04: That will not solve your problem.
40 -- SPEAKER_01: Why?
41 -- SPEAKER_04: It's a cryogenic fluid.
42 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to live forever.
43 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to produce more tears.
44 -- SPEAKER_04: I just can't do any more to help.
45 -- SPEAKER_04: Bye-bye.
46 -- SPEAKER_04: Hello?
47 -- SPEAKER_01: Hi, I'm your new neighbor.
48 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to cry more of my own natural tears in an increased tear production.
49 -- SPEAKER_01: What should I do?
50 -- SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to make people cry.
51 -- SPEAKER_01: I need to make my eyes more tearful.
52 -- SPEAKER_05: That sounds awesome.
53 -- SPEAKER_05: Maybe you should watch a bad movie.
54 -- SPEAKER_05: Garlic might make you cry or onions.
55 -- SPEAKER_01: Is there anything physical I can do?
56 -- SPEAKER_05: Maybe you can wait yourself.
57 -- SPEAKER_01: Hit myself?
58 -- SPEAKER_05: Sure, I don't know.
59 -- SPEAKER_05: Don't ask me.
60 -- SPEAKER_05: I don't do these weird things.
61 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to increase tear production.
62 -- SPEAKER_05: Well, I...
63 -- SPEAKER_05: Ask you're not optometrish.
64 -- SPEAKER_05: Well, what advice do you have?
65 -- SPEAKER_05: What?
66 -- SPEAKER_05: You're funny.
67 -- SPEAKER_01: What should I do?
68 -- SPEAKER_05: I think you might need a therapist.
69 -- SPEAKER_01: What can you tell me?
70 -- SPEAKER_05: That you're funny?
71 -- SPEAKER_01: How can I make my eyes more careful?
72 -- SPEAKER_01: Full, full, full, full, full, full.
73 -- SPEAKER_05: Use eye drops.
74 -- None: Okay.
75 -- SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm trying to find a way or I might have to move.
76 -- SPEAKER_05: We have too many people here.
77 -- SPEAKER_05: They need to move out.
78 -- SPEAKER_01: Well, can you?
79 -- SPEAKER_01: Can you make my eyes more tearful for me?
80 -- SPEAKER_05: You want to pay me a lot of money.
81 -- SPEAKER_05: I get paid 40 bucks an hour.
82 -- SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
83 -- SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
84 -- SPEAKER_03: I'll do it.
85 -- SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
86 -- SPEAKER_05: You're very amazing.
87 -- SPEAKER_05: And thank you for carrying me up.
88 -- SPEAKER_05: You just made my day.
89 -- SPEAKER_01: How about you and me get together and cry some natural tears?
90 -- SPEAKER_01: That sound good?
91 -- None: What?
92 -- SPEAKER_05: What should I do?
93 -- SPEAKER_05: Oh, my.
94 -- SPEAKER_05: God, you're the funniest prank phone caller ever in the world, so you have a good afternoon.
95 -- SPEAKER_01: Bye.
96 -- SPEAKER_07: This is Adam.
97 -- SPEAKER_01: Hey, yeah, this is Goldie.
98 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm new to the area, and it's really dry here.
99 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to increase tier production in my eyes.
100 -- SPEAKER_01: What advice do you have?
101 -- SPEAKER_01: You tell me what to do.
102 -- SPEAKER_07: Oh, this is crazy.
103 -- SPEAKER_07: This is like a prank call.
104 -- SPEAKER_07: Is this Longmont Potion Castle?
105 -- SPEAKER_01: No, I live in Wheatridge.
106 -- SPEAKER_07: Oh, okay.
107 -- SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
108 -- SPEAKER_01: The Postmaster gave me your number.
109 -- SPEAKER_01: What advice?
110 -- SPEAKER_01: Do you have?
111 -- SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm trying to find out.
112 -- SPEAKER_07: I'd say that you should, like, onion up your face hard.
113 -- SPEAKER_07: If you're trying to get more tear production, like extreme tear production.
114 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to cry more of my own tears.
115 -- SPEAKER_07: Oh, this is so fucking amazing right now.
116 -- SPEAKER_07: I wish every day was like this.
117 -- SPEAKER_01: Can you tell me what to do?
118 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm new to the area.
119 -- SPEAKER_01: I got your number from the operator.
120 -- SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would say...
121 -- SPEAKER_02: Anything you could tell me would be great.
122 -- SPEAKER_02: Anything you could tell me it would be really great.
123 -- SPEAKER_02: Oh, this is so awesome right now.
124 -- SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
125 -- SPEAKER_02: I need to cry more.
126 -- SPEAKER_02: I need to make a lot of tears.
127 -- SPEAKER_02: I need to make ice more tears.
128 -- SPEAKER_02: Come on.
129 -- SPEAKER_07: That's fucking awesome.
130 -- SPEAKER_01: Don't leave me hanging.
131 -- SPEAKER_07: No, onion up the face.
132 -- SPEAKER_07: Onion up the face.
133 -- SPEAKER_07: I got some raw-ass onions over here.
134 -- SPEAKER_07: We'll pull them right out of the ground.
135 -- SPEAKER_07: Come on over.
136 -- SPEAKER_07: I'll slice them open and I'll rub them right in your eyes.
137 -- SPEAKER_01: And then I'll give you something to cry about there,
138 -- SPEAKER_01: tough guy.
139 -- SPEAKER_01: What do you think of that?
140 -- SPEAKER_02: No doubt in my mind.
141 -- SPEAKER_02: There's no down in my mind, period.
142 -- SPEAKER_01: You're going to be exterminated.
143 -- SPEAKER_03: End the sentence.
144 -- SPEAKER_03: You're going to be exterminated.
145 -- SPEAKER_03: You're exterminated, buddy.
146 -- SPEAKER_03: You're going to be exterminated, buddy.
147 -- SPEAKER_03: I'm on a hoppy in the ass.
148 -- SPEAKER_07: That's awesome.
149 -- SPEAKER_07: That's so quality.
150 -- SPEAKER_07: This is classic right now.
151 -- SPEAKER_07: I can't believe you're Frank calling you.
152 -- SPEAKER_03: This is so cool.
153 -- SPEAKER_02: I'm on a hoop yes.
154 -- SPEAKER_02: I'm on a hoop yes.
155 -- SPEAKER_07: Oh, this is so good.
156 -- SPEAKER_02: I'm on a hoop yes.
157 -- SPEAKER_07: So good right now.
158 -- SPEAKER_02: I want a hoop ass.
159 -- SPEAKER_05: I want a hoop yes.
160 -- SPEAKER_05: Hello.
161 -- SPEAKER_01: Hey, Scott.
162 -- SPEAKER_01: How you doing?
163 -- SPEAKER_01: Good.
164 -- SPEAKER_01: Good, yeah, I'm your new neighbor.
165 -- SPEAKER_01: I moved in a few days ago.
166 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to increase tear production in my eyes.
167 -- SPEAKER_01: What should I do?
168 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm new to the area.
169 -- SPEAKER_06: Crunch yourself on the ball.
170 -- SPEAKER_01: What advice do you have?
171 -- SPEAKER_06: Stop fucking with me.
172 -- SPEAKER_06: I'm not in a name.
173 -- SPEAKER_01: Hello?
174 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm your new neighbor.
175 -- SPEAKER_01: Bobby.
176 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to increase.
177 -- SPEAKER_01: increase tier production.
178 -- SPEAKER_01: What can you tell me?
179 -- SPEAKER_01: Anything I should do?
180 -- SPEAKER_01: Wait a minute.
181 -- SPEAKER_01: Who the hell is this?
182 -- SPEAKER_01: Bobby.
183 -- SPEAKER_01: What?
184 -- SPEAKER_01: What?
185 -- SPEAKER_01: Hello?
186 -- SPEAKER_01: Hey, yeah, this is Bobby again.
187 -- SPEAKER_00: Look, look.
188 -- SPEAKER_00: What number are you calling?
189 -- SPEAKER_00: Who are you calling?
190 -- SPEAKER_00: And what's the address?
191 -- SPEAKER_00: This doesn't sound right to me.
192 -- SPEAKER_00: My number?
193 -- SPEAKER_00: No, the address.
194 -- SPEAKER_00: You're my neighbor.
195 -- SPEAKER_00: What's the address?
196 -- SPEAKER_00: I'm just trying to increase tier production.
197 -- SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
198 -- SPEAKER_00: You tell me the address, because this is bullshit.
199 -- SPEAKER_01: I don't know the area.
200 -- SPEAKER_00: You don't know the address, but you're my neighbor?
201 -- SPEAKER_00: Okay, fuck.
202 -- SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
203 -- SPEAKER_00: Hey, I don't know what you're doing.
204 -- SPEAKER_00: Can you just give me some advice?
205 -- SPEAKER_00: No, fuck you.
206 -- SPEAKER_00: If you can't tell me the address, fuck off, and don't call here again.
207 -- SPEAKER_00: You understand?
208 -- SPEAKER_00: Fuck you.
209 -- SPEAKER_01: Hey, Eric.
210 -- SPEAKER_01: How you doing?
211 -- SPEAKER_01: What's this?
212 -- SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is Woodrow.
213 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm your new neighbor.
214 -- SPEAKER_01: What are you doing this?
215 -- SPEAKER_01: This is Woodrow.
216 -- SPEAKER_01: This is Woodrow.
217 -- SPEAKER_01: This is Woodrow. I'm new to the area.
218 -- SPEAKER_07: This is Woodrow, man.
219 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to make more of my.
220 -- SPEAKER_01: natural tears. What advice
221 -- SPEAKER_01: do you have for me, please?
222 -- SPEAKER_07: Who the fuck are you, dude?
223 -- SPEAKER_01: I live on the same street as you.
224 -- SPEAKER_01: Huh? I'm your new neighbor.
225 -- SPEAKER_07: What's your voice manipulator?
226 -- SPEAKER_01: I got a new phone. I'm in a new town. I got a new...
227 -- SPEAKER_07: Hey, dude? Who the fuck are you? I don't know you.
228 -- SPEAKER_01: My name's Wardrow.
229 -- SPEAKER_07: Right. Cool, man. Later.
230 -- SPEAKER_07: I fucking call me again. I'm blocking your fucking number. You dick?
231 -- SPEAKER_01: Don't do that at all.
232 -- SPEAKER_07: It's over. You're getting blocked.
233 -- SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
234 -- SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm sorry. I think we got cut off there.
235 -- SPEAKER_07: Who are you, man?
236 -- SPEAKER_01: My name is Woody.
237 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to reduce dry eye and make my eyes more tearful.
238 -- SPEAKER_07: Who are you, dude? What are you, dude? What are you calling me for?
239 -- SPEAKER_01: What should I do? What advice do you have? I'm your neighbor.
240 -- SPEAKER_07: Who are you, dude? What do you got two different phone numbers, genius?
241 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm your new neighbor. I got your number from the Postmaster. He's an old family friend.
242 -- SPEAKER_07: Huh? What Postmaster, dude?
243 -- SPEAKER_01: The general.
244 -- SPEAKER_01: Hey, bro.
245 -- SPEAKER_07: Speak up. How'd you get my number?
246 -- SPEAKER_01: Look at here, buddy.
247 -- SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
248 -- SPEAKER_01: Yeah. I'm just trying to cry more of my own natural tears. What advice do you have?
249 -- SPEAKER_07: Cut some onions up, bitch. Take down this number so we can track it.
250 -- SPEAKER_01: Oh, don't do that.
251 -- SPEAKER_07: We'll be tracking this shit.
252 -- SPEAKER_07: Well, you're on speakerphone, genius.
253 -- SPEAKER_01: What's the deal?
254 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to find a way to cry more.
255 -- SPEAKER_01: And a story. Why can't you help me out? It's the neighborly thing to do.
256 -- SPEAKER_07: Really? What? You got three phone numbers, neighbor?
257 -- SPEAKER_01: What?
258 -- SPEAKER_07: What? You got three phone numbers?
259 -- SPEAKER_01: I got a landline and I have a cell phone.
260 -- SPEAKER_07: Yeah. So what? So who are you? How do you know me?
261 -- SPEAKER_01: Well, I got your number off the operator.
262 -- SPEAKER_07: For what?
263 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to cry more. For what reason?
264 -- SPEAKER_01: For what reason? Hey.
265 -- SPEAKER_01: What can you told me? What can you told me?
266 -- SPEAKER_01: What can you tell me?
267 -- SPEAKER_01: What advice do you have?
268 -- SPEAKER_06: I can tell you this.
269 -- SPEAKER_06: It seems like the fuck you are.
270 -- SPEAKER_06: That's what I can tell you.
271 -- SPEAKER_01: Are you going to help me out?
272 -- SPEAKER_01: You want to meet up in person?
273 -- SPEAKER_01: Is that what you're saying?
274 -- SPEAKER_01: And then...
275 -- SPEAKER_07: You're going to play games?
276 -- SPEAKER_07: You're going to tell me who you are.
277 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you right now.
278 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm your new neighbor.
279 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm new to the area.
280 -- SPEAKER_07: What area is that, dude?
281 -- SPEAKER_07: What area?
282 -- SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm in Tarzana right now at work.
283 -- SPEAKER_01: Where do I live?
284 -- SPEAKER_01: I live in the valley, and that's, you know, it's an interesting place.
285 -- SPEAKER_01: So give you that.
286 -- SPEAKER_07: The valley's big.
287 -- SPEAKER_01: It's real big.
288 -- SPEAKER_01: I haven't, I've never seen anything like that.
289 -- SPEAKER_07: What city do you live in, genius?
290 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm in Tarzana at work.
291 -- SPEAKER_07: Where do you live?
292 -- SPEAKER_07: Do you have fucking hearing problems?
293 -- SPEAKER_07: Where the fuck do you live?
294 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to increase tier production, tough guy.
295 -- SPEAKER_01: What can you tell me?
296 -- SPEAKER_07: I can show you're a piece of fucking shit.
297 -- SPEAKER_07: Who are you?
298 -- SPEAKER_06: Woodrow.
299 -- SPEAKER_06: After we have so many numbers.
300 -- SPEAKER_06: He hacked your phone.
301 -- SPEAKER_01: I'm just your new name.
302 -- SPEAKER_06: I would call your phone service and let them give them those phone numbers.
303 -- SPEAKER_06: I'll call Verizon right now.
304 -- SPEAKER_01: I'll give you my number if you want it.
305 -- SPEAKER_07: Hey, Dickhead, I'm looking at your number.
306 -- SPEAKER_07: Are you sucking fucking prison cock?
307 -- SPEAKER_07: The fuck's your problem, Dick what?
308 -- SPEAKER_01: I have dry eyes.
309 -- SPEAKER_03: I'm trying to increase tear production.
310 -- SPEAKER_03: I'm trying to cry more of my own natural tears.
311 -- SPEAKER_07: Do you know how you would do that?
312 -- SPEAKER_07: You chop your fucking dick off so you cry more.
313 -- SPEAKER_07: Boo-hoo.
314 -- SPEAKER_07: Can you do that for me, bro?
315 -- SPEAKER_07: Hack your dick off and shut your fucking mouth.
316 -- SPEAKER_07: Can you show your fucking mouth now, dude?
317 -- SPEAKER_01: I thought I could count on you.
318 -- SPEAKER_01: It's the neighborly thing to do.
319 -- SPEAKER_07: The neighborly thing to do is for you to commit suicide.
320 -- SPEAKER_07: That's the neighborly thing to do.
321 -- SPEAKER_07: Can you do that for us, bro?
322 -- SPEAKER_07: Everyone in this room, kill yourself?
323 -- SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm a Spalunker.
324 -- SPEAKER_01: I think that's what caused this problem.
325 -- SPEAKER_01: And I have a seeing-eye falcon.
326 -- SPEAKER_01: You know, I carry around on my shoulder.
327 -- SPEAKER_01: That helps me a little bit.